are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
