How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A+ Viking dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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