I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize