On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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