I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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