wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
