I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize