Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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