if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
