made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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