Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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