i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
