Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize