oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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