I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
did you just send me my own nude
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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