Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The power of my boobs compel you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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