Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
