She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife