and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess