Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!