just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER