he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now