I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"