FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.