your parents love me but you hate me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
