Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids