he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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