I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
