she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
