woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
