He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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