Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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