Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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