When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
