I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
