i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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