he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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