Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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