its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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