This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
