We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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