And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
