Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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