im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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