my mouth tastes like poor choices
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize