At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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