Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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