Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
