just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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