i need an iv and a liver transplant
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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