dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
