Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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