I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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