i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
