then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
