Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
