holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
