my room smells like sperm. sweet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I fill condoms, not promises.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
