That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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