drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
