would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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