He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
