Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
