I CAN MOONWALK!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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