I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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