Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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