if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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