i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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