I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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