I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
